Great Ideas: The Break Room

Are you feeling down in the dumps? Fed up with your lot in life? Want to punch the entire world in the balls just to show it how angry and frustrated you are? Then come on down to THE BREAK ROOM — the country’s only Destruction Therapy Centre!

Whether your girlfriend just dumped you, your pet hamster died, or you simply need to let loose all of the pent-up rage from a shitty day at the office, thanks to our revolutionary new techniques you’ll feel better in no time flat — or your money back!

What is Destruction Therapy?

You ever see the movie Citizen Kane? Remember that scene where Kane completely loses it after his wife leaves him and he starts smashing everything in her room? What? You don’t remember it, and in fact, you’ve never even seen the movie? That’s okay, we’re not all film snobs. Besides, it’s a long movie, it’s entirely in black and white … who could watch something that old, anyway?

Well, how about Office Space? In addition to the witty banter about staplers and TPS reports, you probably fondly recall the scene where the guys bust up the printer with a baseball bat. That scene grabbed us because, let’s face it, we’ve all been there before — so fed up that we wanted nothing more than to take a blunt object and reduce the things we hate to a pile of smoldering rubble.

And that’s the very essence of Destruction Therapy. Instead of bottling up all of your rage and frustration (which will fester inside you until the day you snap and shoot up a middle school), Destruction Therapy encourages you to just let it all out through the sweet, cathartic release of controlled mayhem and devastation!

Office Space - Printer Scene

A prime example of Destruction Therapy in practice.

At THE BREAK ROOM, we offer several different Destruction Therapy options to choose from, all of which can be completely custom-designed to meet your needs.

So, how does it work? It’s simple.

Step One: Choose Your Room

First, you need something to destroy. We offer our clients a variety of preset combinations to choose from, including favourites such as:

  • The Girl’s Room: Complete with an assortment frilly pillows, vanity mirrors, stuffed animals, and porcelain dolls for you to annihilate, it’s the perfect choice for all of the bitter, jaded, and heartbroken guys out there.
  • The Boy’s Room: If you’re a bitter, jaded, and heartbroken woman, then you’ll relish the opportunity to “stick it to the man” by demolishing this room, which can be customized with a variety of sports trophies, video game systems, automobile paraphernalia, and Dungeons & Dragons manuals.
  • The Office: Hate your job? Then you’ll love tearing apart this room, which is packed with computers, printers, copiers, cubicle walls, mini-fridges, and ancient microwaves. Mac and PC configurations are available.

Of course, you can also make your own Custom Room from scratch — just let us know the types of items you want to smash and we’ll order them in, just for you. Want to ravage a replica lawyer’s office or dentist’s chair? Your favourite sports team eliminated from the playoffs and you’d like to mutilate anything with your rival’s logo on it? Having cell phone troubles and want to take it out on RIM’s entire line-up? If you can dream it, we can build it … and then we’ll let you savagely destroy it.

Step Two: Choose Your Weapons

Second, you need to choose your weapons. Our team of certified Destruction Therapists carries a fully-stocked arsenal of high-impact tools, including sporting equipment and martial arts weaponry from across the globe. Whether you like the manly heftiness of a sledgehammer, the range of a hockey stick, the precision of a katana, or the personal touch of steel-toed boots, we have what you need to make short work of the room of you chose in Step One.

For the safety of our staff and clients, THE BREAK ROOM uses blunt and bladed objects only — no guns, explosions, or flammable weapons are permitted on the premises.

Just a small sample of our implements of destruction.

Just a small sample of our implements of destruction.

Step Three: Choose Your Therapy Method

Next, you need to choose the therapy method that works for you. We offer two distinct modes of engagement:

  • By The Minute: Our premium package, this therapy method allows you to purchase time in the room(s) of your choice in 10 minute blocks, allowing you as much time as you need to do as much damage as you want — perfect if you’re the type of person that needs to dispose of a lot of frustration. The only question is, will you smash everything in sight as quickly as possible in a demonstration of sheer rage, or will you take your time to deliberately and meticulously deconstruct every item in the room?
  • By The Item: Designed for the more conservative client, this therapy method is ideal if you’ve just had a really bad day at work, for example, and only need to smash a couple of things to lift your spirits. If you choose this option, we’ll charge you based on the total value of the items you destroy — nothing more, nothing less.

Step Four: Clobbering Time

Finally, once everything has been set-up to your specifications, we let you loose in the room — it’s time for some destruction!

While you’re learning what the inside of a computer monitor looks like, you’ll have peace of mind knowing that our staff is looking out for your safety. Our clients are required to wear complete head, eye, and hand protection at all times, and our video surveillance system and two-way intercoms allow us to watch and communicate with you every step of the way.

When your time’s up, come on out of your room for complimentary cookies and juice — you’ll need to replenish your energy, after all, because you’ll soon find out that smashing stuff is pretty hard work!

You've wanted to do this your entire life.

You've wanted to do this your entire life.

So what are you waiting for? Doctors across the country agree — bottling up your negative emotions is bad for you, it’s bad for your family, and it’s bad for the environment (it’s true, look it up). Don’t beat your wife when you just can’t take it any longer — take it out on the inanimate objects at THE BREAK ROOM.

If you’re in need of some Destruction Therapy, call THE BREAK ROOM today and reserve your custom-designed room in seconds — it’s that easy! Our expert staff can’t wait to show you a smashing good time!

Great Ideas: Xtreme Weddings & Events

So you’re getting married, and like any happy couple, you want your special day to be absolutely perfect. But let’s face it — if you’ve seen one boring wedding in a church, you’ve seen them all (that is, if you could actually manage to stay awake for the whole thing).

You don’t want your guests to be bored to tears during the ceremony … do you? You don’t want them to pelt you with rotten, maggot-infested vegetables for wasting their precious time … do you? You don’t want them to burn down the church because your incessant lameness has unleashed some sort of primitive, unspeakable rage … do you?

Of course you don’t! You want your friends and family to talk about your nuptials for generations to come! You want the mayor to declare your special day a civic holiday on account of how much you rock! You want your in-laws to keel over dead right then and there, not because they will always disapprove of your sham of a marriage, but because they’ve been bombarded with lethal doses of in-ya-face, mind-shattering awesomeness!

Yes, if you’re looking to make your “day to remember” an actual day to remember — and I’m talking forever, like the days recounted in the Bible or Harry Potter — then you need to take your ceremony to the max with …

XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS

CURRENT WEDDING SPECIAL — “THE DESCENT”

Here comes the bride … from 20,000 feet! Take your vows TO THE XTREME as your entire wedding party leaps out of the rusted underbelly of a C-130 Hercules airplane! Our skydiving instructor / reverend is fully-trained, fully-equipped, and fully-ordained to ensure your ceremony is a soaring success!

Remember, when you’ve dropped so far and so quickly, there’s only one place for your marriage to go from here — and that’s up!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

And hey, just because you’re approaching terminal velocity doesn’t mean you can’t also get the wedding video of your dreams! Shot from five different angles as you’re free-falling through the stratosphere (including Helmet-Cams on both the bride and groom) and edited on the premises by the same geniuses behind Michael Bay’s Hollywood blockbusters, your high-definition Blu-Ray wedding video will be so spectacular and action-packed it’ll make your pathetic bridesmaids cut themselves out of sheer jealously knowing that their wedding (yeah, as if that’ll ever happen) will never be as XTREME as yours!

BONUS OPTION:
If you really want to “take the leap” into marriage, then you’ll definitely want choose our famous Ring Toss Special! The sacred bands of matrimony gets thrown from the plane first, followed shortly by the bride and groom. If you catch the rings, you get married! If you miss, well, it simply wasn’t meant to be! It’s like playing a live-action game of Sonic the Hedgehog — TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

THEME ROOMS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

Many conference centres and banquet halls have theme rooms such as “The Olympus” and “The Athena” … but what are these but empty labels? At XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS, when we name one of our rooms after something, we fucking mean it! Choose from a variety of themed rooms, including the following favourites:

THE SPARTAN

In these tough economic times, it simply doesn’t make sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars on tuxedos, wedding dresses, and decorations. So why not take you wedding back to a simpler time, when men were men and women were reduced to secondary plot devices?

When you hold your event in “The Spartan”, all of the men will be required to wear speedos and red capes, while the women will wear flimsy, see-through white togas. Better bring your cough drops, because yelling is mandatory for the guys — and savagely enforced by shock collars wired to decibel meters found throughout the room. To complete the experience, when the final vows have been made, you’ll get the opportunity to kick our Hollywood-trained stuntman / non-denominational minister into a bottomless pit!

TO THE XTREME!

MADNESS? THIS ... IS ... XTREME!

THE DIONYSUS

Named after the Greek god of wine and celebration, when you host your wedding reception or business event in “The Dionysus”, it’s all wine, all the time. Everybody has to drink — in fact, we have ex-Mossad private security officers stationed at every exit to test your blood alcohol levels. If you ain’t completely shit-faced, then you ain’t leaving! Complimentary taxi chits not included — because that’s not taking drunkenness TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

THE OCTAGON

Isn’t it a pain in the ass trying to figure out who to put in your wedding party? Why not make the decision-making process part of the wedding ceremony itself? Yes, it’s time to find out who the “best man” really is.

When you hold your event in “The Octagon”, the two top contenders for each position will enter the cage — but only one will leave. Battered and bloody, the victors will take their place by your side as you say your vows. No longer will they feel like inanimate objects intruding on your special day — that feeling of awkward uselessness will be replaced with an irreplacable bond that can only be formed after defeating another man in hand-to-hand combat for your amusement and approval.

Traditional wedding presents such as toasters and coathangers will be replaced by the cold, hard cash produced by the wagers placed on the fights. And for those situations when wedding rings simply aren’t XTREME enough, our fully-sanctioned referee / cutman / holy father will award the bride and groom with matching championship belts.

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

BOOK YOUR SPECIAL EVENT TODAY!

No matter what type of event you’re looking to have, our XTREME-certified wedding planners can fully customize any of our packages to turn your experience into a truly one-of-kind, memorable spectacle for the ages. Contact us today to learn just how easy it can be!

When you want to take your special day to the max, say “I DO” to XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS!