I Fight for Me: What Fedor Can Learn from Ivan Drago

Despite the hopes and dreams of all mixed martial arts fans around the world, UFC President Dana White announced today that although he has tried his damnedest, he has still not been able to sign free agent heavyweight fighter Fedor Emelianenko to a UFC contract.

The baddest man on the planet? Or is he ducking Brock Lesnar?

The best of all-time? Or a coward?

If the reports are true, White’s offer to Fedor’s camp was apparently quite substantial (or as White himself put it, “insane”) — a guaranteed six fight / $30 million deal (including an immediate title shot against UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar), an agreement that would allow Fedor to also compete in Russian Sambo events when he’s not fighting in the Octagon, and perhaps most shocking of all, the UFC would even provide Fedor’s management team, M-1 Global, with a portion of all pay-per-view revenues.

But apparently that wasn’t good enough, because Vadim Finkelchtein, the head honcho of M-1 Global (a rinky-dink MMA league based in Russia), is demanding that any fight card featuring Fedor must be co-promoted under a joint UFC / M-1 banner. Finkelchtein obviously doesn’t care about what the fans or the fighters want (which is a Fedor vs. Lesnar superfight to determine who is truly the best heavyweight in the world). Instead, he only cares about leeching off of the UFC’s established brand in hope of gaining some sort of foothold in the North American market for M-1 Global. And as we all know, Dana White will never allow that to happen, which means Fedor will continue to fight freak shows and UFC castaways like Tim Sylvia until the day he retires.

If only Fedor would do the same to Vadim Finkelchtein ...

If only Fedor would do the same to M-1.

A lot of people have compared Fedor Emelianenko to the character Ivan Drago in Rocky IV — the ultra-dominant Russian athlete that can murder people in the ring with his bare hands (although to be fair, former Pride fighter Sergei Kharitonov looked a lot more like Drago than Fedor ever did). Only now do we see even more parallels to that film — the ultra-dominant Russian athlete that is constantly getting jerked around by a posse of managers and politicians, and the fact that Lesnar, in the Rocky Balboa role, would probably have to drop the UFC title and travel to Russia in order to make such a fight a reality.

In my opinion, Fedor should continue to emulate Ivan Drago’s character arc by standing up for himself and becoming his own man (savage beating of Apollo Creed is optional, of course). Much like how Drago got fed up of taking orders from the Commies and being used a pawn in his country’s Cold War ambitions, Fedor needs to nut up, grab Finkelchtein by the throat, and announce to the whole world, “I fight to win! For me! For me!”

Then, once he tosses the M-1 Global trash aside, he does the right thing and takes Dana White’s offer, battles Brock Lesnar in the biggest heavyweight fight in UFC history, and finally proves once and for all that he is the best pound-for-pound fighter in mixed martial arts.

Or he could continue to damage his legacy by hiding behind a two-bit, small-time MMA promoter until the end of his career. It’s his call.

Would Fedor love to fight in the UFC and challenge himself against the best of the best? Most likely, yes. He is a fighter and a warrior, after all. But until he can separate himself from Finkelchtein and get a manager that actually cares about the progress of his fighter’s career (and not the bottom line of his own company), that day will never come, despite the hopes and dreams of all mixed martial arts fans around the world.

The question is, when will Fedor fight for himself?

The question is, when will Fedor fight for himself?

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Great Ideas: Xtreme Weddings & Events

So you’re getting married, and like any happy couple, you want your special day to be absolutely perfect. But let’s face it — if you’ve seen one boring wedding in a church, you’ve seen them all (that is, if you could actually manage to stay awake for the whole thing).

You don’t want your guests to be bored to tears during the ceremony … do you? You don’t want them to pelt you with rotten, maggot-infested vegetables for wasting their precious time … do you? You don’t want them to burn down the church because your incessant lameness has unleashed some sort of primitive, unspeakable rage … do you?

Of course you don’t! You want your friends and family to talk about your nuptials for generations to come! You want the mayor to declare your special day a civic holiday on account of how much you rock! You want your in-laws to keel over dead right then and there, not because they will always disapprove of your sham of a marriage, but because they’ve been bombarded with lethal doses of in-ya-face, mind-shattering awesomeness!

Yes, if you’re looking to make your “day to remember” an actual day to remember — and I’m talking forever, like the days recounted in the Bible or Harry Potter — then you need to take your ceremony to the max with …

XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS

CURRENT WEDDING SPECIAL — “THE DESCENT”

Here comes the bride … from 20,000 feet! Take your vows TO THE XTREME as your entire wedding party leaps out of the rusted underbelly of a C-130 Hercules airplane! Our skydiving instructor / reverend is fully-trained, fully-equipped, and fully-ordained to ensure your ceremony is a soaring success!

Remember, when you’ve dropped so far and so quickly, there’s only one place for your marriage to go from here — and that’s up!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

And hey, just because you’re approaching terminal velocity doesn’t mean you can’t also get the wedding video of your dreams! Shot from five different angles as you’re free-falling through the stratosphere (including Helmet-Cams on both the bride and groom) and edited on the premises by the same geniuses behind Michael Bay’s Hollywood blockbusters, your high-definition Blu-Ray wedding video will be so spectacular and action-packed it’ll make your pathetic bridesmaids cut themselves out of sheer jealously knowing that their wedding (yeah, as if that’ll ever happen) will never be as XTREME as yours!

BONUS OPTION:
If you really want to “take the leap” into marriage, then you’ll definitely want choose our famous Ring Toss Special! The sacred bands of matrimony gets thrown from the plane first, followed shortly by the bride and groom. If you catch the rings, you get married! If you miss, well, it simply wasn’t meant to be! It’s like playing a live-action game of Sonic the Hedgehog — TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

THEME ROOMS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

Many conference centres and banquet halls have theme rooms such as “The Olympus” and “The Athena” … but what are these but empty labels? At XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS, when we name one of our rooms after something, we fucking mean it! Choose from a variety of themed rooms, including the following favourites:

THE SPARTAN

In these tough economic times, it simply doesn’t make sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars on tuxedos, wedding dresses, and decorations. So why not take you wedding back to a simpler time, when men were men and women were reduced to secondary plot devices?

When you hold your event in “The Spartan”, all of the men will be required to wear speedos and red capes, while the women will wear flimsy, see-through white togas. Better bring your cough drops, because yelling is mandatory for the guys — and savagely enforced by shock collars wired to decibel meters found throughout the room. To complete the experience, when the final vows have been made, you’ll get the opportunity to kick our Hollywood-trained stuntman / non-denominational minister into a bottomless pit!

TO THE XTREME!

MADNESS? THIS ... IS ... XTREME!

THE DIONYSUS

Named after the Greek god of wine and celebration, when you host your wedding reception or business event in “The Dionysus”, it’s all wine, all the time. Everybody has to drink — in fact, we have ex-Mossad private security officers stationed at every exit to test your blood alcohol levels. If you ain’t completely shit-faced, then you ain’t leaving! Complimentary taxi chits not included — because that’s not taking drunkenness TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

THE OCTAGON

Isn’t it a pain in the ass trying to figure out who to put in your wedding party? Why not make the decision-making process part of the wedding ceremony itself? Yes, it’s time to find out who the “best man” really is.

When you hold your event in “The Octagon”, the two top contenders for each position will enter the cage — but only one will leave. Battered and bloody, the victors will take their place by your side as you say your vows. No longer will they feel like inanimate objects intruding on your special day — that feeling of awkward uselessness will be replaced with an irreplacable bond that can only be formed after defeating another man in hand-to-hand combat for your amusement and approval.

Traditional wedding presents such as toasters and coathangers will be replaced by the cold, hard cash produced by the wagers placed on the fights. And for those situations when wedding rings simply aren’t XTREME enough, our fully-sanctioned referee / cutman / holy father will award the bride and groom with matching championship belts.

TO THE XTREME!

TO THE XTREME!

BOOK YOUR SPECIAL EVENT TODAY!

No matter what type of event you’re looking to have, our XTREME-certified wedding planners can fully customize any of our packages to turn your experience into a truly one-of-kind, memorable spectacle for the ages. Contact us today to learn just how easy it can be!

When you want to take your special day to the max, say “I DO” to XTREME WEDDINGS & EVENTS!